Pity party...table for one

So as you can tell from my last post title last week wasn't such of a hot week for me. I was sick with a horrible head cold that had me in bed with a 102 fever for most of the week along with no appetite. I was one cranky lady. Then Friday morning I woke up and was actually feeling better. Yay to that, but my mood was still glum. I'm not sure what came over me, but for these last couple of days I feel like a little black cloud has been over my head. Losing my job was quite a shock. I mean I hated it and now I have time to pursue my dreams, but it's still a very scary feeling. I mean money is a concern, but my main concern is just feeling like I'm not contributing. I've been feeling without purpose, which is a horrible feeling. Plus due to my horrible cold I had been home bound all week and that was taking it's toll. My husband goes into work at 9 am and doesn't get in until 8pm so that's a lot of alone time with me and the pups. Then to top things off Jon had to go into work on Saturday morning. At first I was fine and just started cleaning up and showering etc, but then as I was doing my hair the dogs started fighting yet again and something in me snapped. I grabbed my coat, ran out the door, drove to my parents house and burst into tears the second my mom saw me. Ah poor mom didn't know what was coming. I swear everything just came spilling out of me.

Leaving your job when it's not on your terms is difficult to say the least. You feel like such a loser. It really messes with one's self-esteem. Then yay the excitement of starting my own business, but with that comes huge amounts of Doubt. What if I'm kidding myself? What if people are just humoring me? What if I don't get any clients? Ah talk about stress. Then top that off with not really eating all week and having complete creativity block.

I was not a happy camper. I sat there in my parents kitchen with my mom and sister and just tried to piece together my life. Mom's are always great with reassuring you that things will be okay. I realized that yes what happens stinks, but it's going to be a blessing. I'm going to be okay. I need to find something to do a couple of times a week to just get me out of the house. I'm going to start going to the local library and get some work done there just to get out of the house.

The rest of the weekend was a little better. I was still a bit blue, but I was just trying to go through the motions and act happy in the hopes that I would eventually feel happy. This morning I was still sad especially to be left at home and snowed in while my hubby went to work. I swear I had been staring at my laptop since 9 am trying to find inspiration for a post today. I was drawing blanks and totally sinking deeper into my case of the blues. I didn't want to do another post that had to do with why I was yet again still cranky, but I finally realized that I just needed to get this all off my chest and just let you all know where my head has been these last couple of days. You are all always so full of cheer and helpful thoughts I knew it would make me feel better.

So there it is world. Off goes the angry girl music and this lovely pout that I've been sporting since last week. In goes only happy thoughts and keeping myself busy with loads of activities.

Ah I am actually starting to feel better just letting it all out.

Since I was trying to cheer myself up this morning I took my camera out with so that the pups could have some fun and play during our snow day. Here are pictures from this morning:







I swear they were just having fun and not hurting each other.

I also swear my next post with be design oriented. Pinky promise you all!!!!

14 comments:

Sweet Nothings said...

oh, well im glad your feeling better health wise!

I am a FIRM believer in pity parties sometimes..my ex bf called me on friday night to gush about how much he loves his new gf, so i had my own wine filled pity party watching wedding shows on e! crying, so i feel ya.( and I am over him, but who does that, really)

but..I really think great things are coming your way! I have a feeeeeling

LindsB said...

Glad you are feeling better- it sucks to be in such a funk, and I've been there plenty of times. But, the positive side is that it all comes to an end and you climb out of it and then become your normal self again, but better.

I agree with Sweet Nothings, and great things are coming your way!!

Love your dogs, they are so cute!

Feel Better, and keep your head up!! xoxoxo

Sarah Danielle: Jeune Marie said...

Oh darling! Email me - I need your design help right now, and I am not just humoring you! :)

BTW - Could sweet nothings comment be ANY cuter!? Those girls are hilarious!

MaryBeth said...

I have felt this way many times. I joined a gym and go with my friend 3x a week just to have something to do without going to the mall and spending money. I also bought one of those sad lights. I really feel the blues in the winter so I am hoping this makes a difference. Spring is soon and that always makes me feel a little better, hope it does for you too.

Courtney said...

Chin up! Great things happen to great people, so I know blue skies are ahead. xx

MyLittleHappyPlace said...

Sending some Brazilian sunshine your way - it looks waaaay toooo cooooldd - brrrr!
Take Care!

Colour Me Happy said...

I have been reading a lot lately about what makes a blog great and you know what it is? Showing your humanity, thats what people like. It just means you're as human as the rest of us! Thanks for sharing your life with us!

Kwana said...

I totally get what you're feeling. Thanks for being so honest and I hope it turns around for you soon. It's tough and scary to step out or be push out onto your dreams. And I get it about feeling like you're not contributing, but you are just by being your wonderful self!

Beautiful Living said...

I really truly think that things will work out for you. As far as I've seen on your blog, you really are talented. Time to put that high-heeled foot in the door!

big hug
dagny

Lauren said...

Huge hug camila! :( i'm sorry you're feeling so down but i know it's going to get so much better. I know how you feel starting your business: some days it's like "I can do this! I'm talented!" and then other days it's like "No one will ever hire me... all the others out there are so much better." It's like I told you from the beginning... self-confidence is one of the biggest things in this business. Just keep believing in yourself & MAKE it happen. big hug & I'll talk to you soon.
xoxo

Haven and Home said...

Hi Camila,

We have all been there, I know it is a helpless feeling. Things are hard right, trust me I know. But don't worry, things do get better. You are very talented, your blog is amazing and you have an amazing personality that reaches out to people. You are bound for success!

Please call me if you need anything!

Marianne

Pink Wallpaper said...

each day that goes by will get better...just don't get down on yourself! you are far from a loser and are extremely talented! great things will come! keep your head up.

Freckles Chick said...

Oh, Cam! It's completely normal to feel this way. You're going thru a major life event!

As someone who was between jobs twice in ONE year, I can relate to the feelings: scared, inadequacy, purposeless, etc. I promise you it will pass! Everything happens for a reason, and this happened so you can pursue your dream. I hope w/ all my heart that you succeed, but if you don't at first, don't consider it a failure. Consider it as experience.

Thinking of you!!

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