Update on me

Hi Loves,

I just wanted to thank you all of you for your sweet comments and all of the emails that I have received. It means the world to me that you are thinking of me during my difficult time.

While these last couple of days have been really hard on me I'm finally feeling a bit more like myself.

I know people are curious as to what has me so upset so I thought I would share.

On Jon's birthday I found out I was pregnant! We were so excited. We had been trying for over a year and had just gone through one cycle with an infertility doctor. We told close family and friends and we were going to wait to tell everyone on Thanksgiving.

Last saturday I had to go in for a sonogram. Because I got pregnant on fertility meds my pregnancy was considered high-risk so I had already been for 2 sonograms before week 8. On saturday we had sonogram number 3. We should have heard a heartbeat, but we didn't and I was told the pregnancy wasn't viable.

Earth breaking news. I know miscarriages happen to a lot of women, but I just never thought it would happen to me. I waited this whole week to see if things would progress naturally. They haven.t I went in for another sonogram this morning just to double check. Things are still the same...no heartbeat.

I go in for a D&C on Monday.

Sorry for the rather heavy and depressing news on a normal light-hearted and design related blog, but I didn't want to lie about things and not tell all of my friends in the blog world. This blog is a huge reflection of me, my life and my work. This is something happening to me and I couldn't just put on a happy face and not tell you all.

I am feeling a bit better about things. I know these things happen. I know I didn't do anything to cause it.

Since I'm having the procedure on Monday I won't be back to blogging until Tuesday. I have an exciting two weeks ahead for the blog. Full of give-aways and gift ideas!

Thank you all again for your thoughts and prayers.

xoxo,

Camila

108 comments:

Blueprint Bliss said...

Sweet Camila- I'm so sorry to hear your news. But just remember Jeremiah 29:11. HE has great plans for you. Praying for you. xx- Brooke

Starfish and Sundresses said...

I'm so sorry, keeping you in my thoughts and prayers!

mootsie0109 said...

I love your blog and read it daily. I rarely comment, but I'm so sorry for your loss and my heart goes out to you.

Brooke McClurkin said...

I am so sorry about your loss. But find comfort in knowing that God has a plan for you!

Cristin said...

I am so sorry for your loss. Take time for yourself to heal. You're in my thoughts and prayers. xo

C.J. said...

Hi, I too had problems and so I understand what you are going through. Nothing makes it easier sorry to say. Hopefully your dreams will come true with a much more wonderful out come.

Milltini said...

I am so, so, so very sorry. But also so thankful for your wonderful support system, friends, family. My thoughts and prayers are with you at this very difficult time!

Christen said...

My heart is breaking for you right now!

pve design said...

Oh Camila,
So sorry to hear this news.
I know that this is so rotten and very hard to understand. You are in my thoughts.
pve

ms. less is always more said...

Sweet girl, my thoughts are with you. Take care of yourself... all my love, oxo, Jill

Paloma {La Dolce Vita} said...

Oh honey, I am so, so sorry. I can only imagine what you are going through. My heart is with you. xoxo

Michelle (Three Men and a Lady) said...

Oh Camila, I'm so sorry to hear that. It may be common but not easy at all to deal with. My heart goes out to you.

Visual Vamp said...

Oh darling,
So sorry about all of this.
You have each other. Hang on.
Things will get better.
xo xo

Debra said...

Keeping you in my prayers, Debra

Dumbwit Tellher said...

Sending lots of prayers indeed. Been there too, like so many of us women. No one can say or make the hurt go away, and each person handles it differently, just like any mourning process. It just take time to heal.

Hugs to you and thinking of your husband and family as well. xx

thevoyageofv said...

I'm so very sorry to hear this. I know there's not much to say at these moments. My mother miscarried before I was born, and my parents were devastated... But they kept trying and eventually they were stuck with me :-)
I hope that you will feel better soon. Keep your head up.

Ms. Bright said...

Sweet girl, the Lord has this in His perfect plan...even though that's hard to understand. Just think- one day, your child will have no doubts about how loved and cherished and wanted they are!

Abbie said...

I'm so sorry to hear your news. I will be thinking of you.

Stephanie Sabbe said...

Camila, I am so sorry to hear this.
I'll keep you in my prayers! Stephanie

6p010535f9b4af970c said...

I am so so sorry. I've been through it and while it is hard to get over and understand the "why me", I will say the D&C is the easiest part of it all. Take the time to grieve your loss with your husband and a million virtual (((hugs))).

Brenda said...

I am so sorry that this has happened. We are all here to support you and pray for you. I went through this twice and I know what you are going through right now. Stay positive, take time to heal and mourn,cry it all out. We all understand if you disappear for a while. I know your day will come soon enough. I now have two beautiful daughters. :)

Wanderluster said...

I am so sorry for your loss Camila. Wishing you strength and comfort in the coming days.

One Love said...

Camila, I am so sorry about your heart breaking loss. Time will he'll all wounds and the future will bring better things...Hope you feel better soon! XOXO

Soma said...

:( How very very very sad... I'm so sorry! You're so strong and brave to share this with us. My thoughts are with you!

Miss Wendy said...

That is devastating news. I am sorry. Just trust that everything happens for a reason even if it's hard to understand at first. I'll keep you in my thoughts.

bluehydrangea said...

Camila, I feel so badly for you. Wish I could give you a big hug. I know how you are feeling...Doodle & Peanut are IVF babies and I have been through all the ups and downs..it stinks!! Hang in there! When it works out, and it will, it will all be worth it.

paula said...

Oh honey, I am so sorry. I am definitely praying for you.

kerry said...

So many of us have been there - things will work out, but I'm so sorry.

Sarah La Rose said...

Camila, I can not even imagine what you are going through. It would be my worst nighmare. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Take all the time you need to. We will always be here when you return.

Sincerely, Sarah.

nikinikinine said...

Camila, I'm so sorry to hear your news. We have been trying to concieve for 20 months and are in the process of IVF #1 now. After all that we go through to have children it is gut wrenching to miscarry. I'm so sorry for your loss. Be good to yourself and take as much time as you need. We will be here waiting for you when you get back.

Dragonfly said...

Sorry to hear your sad news. I have been through this heartbreaking process too.
Take care of yourselves. I know its not much comfort, but time will help to ease the pain.

Claire Watkins, ASID allied said...

Oh goodness, so sorry. Take care of yourself, inside & out, during this time and my thoughts are with you.

LindsB said...

Camila, I'm so so so sorry to hear this. While I dont know what you are going though, I wont say I know but I do know that I have known many many women who go through the same thing and it is heartbreaking. You are in my thoughts and I hope things get easier as the days go by. xoxoxox Linds

Maria said...

Camila, thanks for being so vulnerable, now I know how to pray specifically for your broken heart. There is a song by a group called Watermark called, "glory baby" and its all about the baby she lost as well...it may be healing balm for your soul. So sorry.

Lavender and Lilies said...

I am so sorry to hear what happened. You will definitely be in my prayers.

my favorite and my best said...

so sorry to hear that camila. the hurt will heal. hugs and kisses to you.

God's Favorite Shoes! said...

God Bless you for even sharing this private information. I pray for your favor and for healing:)

Sarah's Fab Day said...

Camila I'm so sorry about the baby. I'll keep you and John in my prayers.

tiffany said...

That is so tough. I am so sorry that you are going through this and am sending so many good thoughts your way!

Love Where You Live said...

Dear Camila, I'm saddened to hear this news. My thoughts are with you. warmly, -susan

Linda at Lime in the Coconut! said...

Oh Camila...I am so sorry for your loss. It hurts so much. I know.
Be good to your self, Greive as long and as much as you need.Hold on to your family.

Many hugs...

Susan said...

I've been viewing your blog for awhile now but I don't think I've ever commented. I just could'nt not comment today. My prayers go out to you and your husband. I have never been thru a miscarriage but am currently dealing with some fertility issues myself and all I can say to you is let yourself feel whatever your feeling. It will get easier. Think positive and know that the future holds wonderful unexpected things. Good Luck on Monday

Chris Salek said...

I am sorry for your loss. 21 years ago I had a miscarriage-it was heart breaking..a year later (on that day Feb 3rd)I was pregnant with my now 20 year old daughter. You are in my prayers.

Jess @ Frugal with a Flourish said...

Lots of love and prayers are headed your way! :)

nkp said...

This is such a tough road, Camila. I've been lucky enough personally never to experience what you are going through, but my little sister went through the fertility process and I know what a difficult, but ultimately rewarding road it was. I'm so glad you have a loving, supportive partner to lean on. I hope you bring comfort to one another. I'm so sorry for your loss. This can be so devastating. Sending love your way.

xx-nelya

Chic 'n Cheap Living said...

Camila, I'm so sorry to hear that. You are in my prayers.

Hello Lover... said...

I'm so sorry for this loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your husband. I've never commented before - but take your time coming back - we'll still be here whenever you do!

Southern Savvy said...

Sorry for you loss! Thinking of you and praying...Hugs!

nestegg said...

Camila,
I'm so sorry to hear that. Sending up prayers!! xoRH

Devon said...

I am so, so sorry Camila. I'm thinking of you and your husband.

Scientific Housewife said...

I am so sorry to hear about your difficult time, just know everyone is here for you and are thinking of you and your husband.

Down and Out Chic said...

i'm sending you warm thoughts camila, and i'm deeply sorry for your loss.

Paige said...

Camila - I am praying for you and your husband during this time!

Alisha said...

I'm so sorry Camila!! We know what that is like too. You are in our thoughts and prayers.
Alisha

Tamstyles said...

God bless yall. My prayers are with you and your love. I know that pain oh to well...and it gets better with time. Never give up!

Honeygo Beasley said...

My good friend had six miscarriages (!) before she gave birth to two beautiful boys. She had two successful full term pregnancies after six miscarriages, and those boys have grown to be wonderful individuals. I once read that miscarriages are most likely male embryos that are not strong enough to survive. For some reason, the male embryo has to be strong to mature full term, perhaps more so than females. I cannot imagine how you must feel; it is such a personal, sensitive loss. I hope your faith and the support, love and compassion of those around you keep you strong in this difficult time of loss and that you have the family you always wanted.

Hugs!

Sweet Nothings said...

oh camilla...so sorry. your in our prayers. God works in mysterious ways, remember that.

MyLittleHappyPlace said...

Camila:
My heart goes out to you, my friend. Please take care, and trust in Him.
alison

RLG said...

I'm so sorry for your heartbreak, Camila. Thinking of you, xoxo

Jaime said...

So sorry to hear about this- you are so strong. Hope you enjoyed your Thanksgiving, though :)

The Zhush said...

This is devastating news. I too experienced what you went thru, and even though it happened over 10 yrs ago, I remember it as a very sad and dark time for me. I had 3 miscarriages in all, but happily, I now have 3 beautiful children. For what its worth, I found reading a blog called alittlepregnant, so comforting. The writer went through some awful times as well, her writing is so hearfelt, and yet humorous as well. Best of luck to you.

Blair said...

Oh, my! I am so incredibly sorry. And My thoughts are you with you, Jon and your family. All my love to you all.

Dobbygirl said...

I am so sorry, my thoughts and prayers are with you. Take care.

6p00e54fe9de5c8833 said...

Camila, I'm so sorry to hear your news. You and your hubby are in my thoughts and prayers!

WendyB said...

Just visiting your blog for the first time ever...so sorry for your loss.

carlyndowdle said...

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shi(f)t said...

oh dear--i'm so sorry for your loss! that's absolutely heartbreaking...take care of yourself --you're in our thoughts!

Marisa said...

That is horrible! I can't even imagine what that must feel like, but my thoughts are with you & your hubby in this difficult time.

Flavia @ Estilo Home said...

Camila, I'm so sorry to hear this. Take as much time as you need to heal. Virtual hugs to you and your husband.

tarheel said...

oh, I'm so sorry. God bless you.

Bromeliad said...

Very very sorry.

Haven and Home said...

I am thinking about you today. Please call me if you need ANYTHING!!!

Tiffany said...

Camila - I love your blog! I read it everyday but rarely comment! But I wanted to today to let you know how sorry I am for your loss! I'll say a special prayer for you and your hubby!

carlee said...

Camila, I am so so sorry to hear this news. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Magchunk said...

I had a feeling this might be the case, but so sad to hear that it was true. So so sorry for your loss. I'll be praying for you. All the love from the blogworld is here to lift you up! Big internet hugs for you.

Katie said...

So sorry to hear of your loss. Love and prayers your way!

Ms. Bright said...

Still thinking about you today, sweets. I'm hoping you'll see this and be encouraged. Sending you a bunch of hugs (virtually, of course!)May each day be better than the one before.

Colette's Cottage said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. Don't blog unless you feel up to it- we all understand.

journeychic said...

I'm so, so sorry to hear about this. I had a miscarriage in August (very, very early in the pregnancy) and am grateful that nature took its course. It was really helpful for me to hear from other women who'd had miscarriages and then went on to have successful pregnancies. For so many women it's a taboo topic, so it's wonderful and brave that you chose to share this very personal matter with all of us. I wish you and your hubby all the best!!

Shelby said...

I'm so sorry for your loss...i to had a miscarriage earlier this year. It is heartbreaking so my thoughts are with you and i'm sending you prayers that you get pregnant again soon!

Your House and Life said...

So so sorry, I just wanted to check to see what you were up to and found this post. Hang in there girl, our prayers are with you and here's to better days ahead.

Jennifer said...

my goodness Camilla! my thoughts and prayers are with you, Jon and your families.

Merrisworld said...

I just want you to look at this on the positive side, A miscarriage is your bodies way of saying something was wrong with the baby so I know it is a heart ache but at the same time it is a blessing in disguise. Your next attempt i am sure will have a happy ending

Centsational Girl said...

Darling Camila, you are on my heart today and I am praying for you.
xoxo
Kate

Jamie said...

The EXACT same thing happened to me. I didn't find out till 11 weeks and had to have an emergency D&C at 12 weeks. It was really a tough time for me. You aren't alone.

Sherry Petersik said...

We are so so sorry for your loss. You're in our thoughts and we're sending lots of love your way.

xoxo,
Sherry (& John)

Jolyn said...

Honey keep the faith and yes of course you hurt...I know I went thru infertility for 9 years of month to month dr. and test and meds also misscarriage...finally I have a son born on our 10 year wedding ann. and little over year later preg. with a daughter with out anything....My prayers will be with you.
Hugs,
Jolyn

Emily said...

I am so very sorry to hear your upsetting news. My thoughts have been with you and I hope each day gets a little bettter. You are in my prayers!

Christine said...

Camila,

So very sorry for your loss, but will continue to keep you in my prayers.

There is a blog I happened on once by a girl who chronicles her quest to have a baby and experiences with infertility treatments. It may help to read about someone else's experiences:
http://allyouwhohope.blogspot.com/

Keep the faith

Blondie said...

I have a little something for you over at my blog to cheer you up honey. Check it out! Kori xoxo

Shannon said...

I'm so so so sorry to hear this Camila! My heart is very sad for you although I can't imagine going through what you must be going through. You (and your husband)are in my thoughts and prayers.

Bernardo said...

My thoughta and prayers are with you.

Bernardo
The Civilized Gentleman

Erin @ SYL: Slipcover Your Life said...

That's really difficult... You're in my thoughts!

Dayka said...

So sorry to hear of your loss. I can't imagine what you both must be going through! Blessings to you both.

h2urHOME said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your bad news, I lost my twin girls in July (they were born 3 months early) so I know how heartbreaking all of this is. Give yourself time to grieve and do it your own way and take comfort in the people who love and care about you. My prayers are with you.

Meg said...

Camila, I have been so behind on my blog reading, and yours was the first one I opened today, I'm so sorry to hear this heartbreaking news, you're in my prayers...

Design Esquire said...

I somehow missed this post last week. I am so, so sorry. I can't imagine what you must be going through. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

MoDLin said...

Camila, I'm so sorry for your loss. Not long ago we went through this twice with my daughter and it was very hard. My thoughts are with you and your husband.

Shana said...

I am sorry for your loss, and my thoughts go out to you.
I am quite new to your blog, but like it already and have started to check back often..May Allah Bless you. Take care.

Jackie Von Tobel said...

So sorry about your news but I just became the aunt of twin girls two weeks ago and my sister had two miscarriages of twins and three years of invitro before this happy event. For some reason you've been given more of a challenge in getting pregnant but once you do have your child it will be all the more sweet for you. I'll keep you in my prayers just don't let the journey get you down.

Sara said...

I'm so sorry, Camilla! A friend of mine just went through this as well. I know it happens sometimes, but I'm sure knowing that doesn't make it any easier.

You are in my prayers!

xo

Sara @ Pretty, Pleasant and Practical

Katherine @ Grass Stains said...

I didn't comment when I read this originally, but over the past few days I've felt compelled to come back and do so! Even though we are strangers, I just wanted you to know that I am devastated on your behalf and that I am thinking of you and praying for you. I had three difficult pregnancies, but all three resulted in healthy babies, and I am eternally grateful for that. It's my greatest wish that you experience the blessing of a happy, healthy child in the immediate future! I admire you for opening up such a personal experience to your readers and for giving us a chance to support you with words. All the best ...

katie, dave, lucille and winston said...

this scenario is all too familiar. my heart hurts for you. but i am glad to hear you are positive and feeling better a day at a time. i am so sorry for your loss.

Kilgore's said...

I am so sorry for your loss. I know it isn't what you want to hear now but these things happen for a reason. I couldn't get pregnant for a long time then had 3 miscarriages before we got our beautiful girl. I now have 3 girls but have had multiple miscarriages in between each, including twins last summer. Though it is difficult beyond belief, I feel it has made me a better mom. I have much more patience with them and I appreciate them so much more than I was capable of before. I never even minded being up all night with them because I felt so blessed to even have them. It has especially helped since my 3rd is very colicky.
I don't know if you follow religion but I was once told that the body forming inside of me was not perfect enough for the spirit to complete her mission here on earth. It is very comforting for me for some reason.
Anyway, keep your chin up. And continue to talk about it. People don't always understand how hard it is and are often afraid to ask, even if they want to.

Sarah - La Jeune Marie said...

Oh Cam, I am so so so very sorry this happened. I had no idea you and Jon were trying to start a family, so I didn't know what to expect when reading this post. I am sure it has been said over and over to you, but please email me if you need anything at all. In addition, I am deeply sorrowful for your loss. You're in my thoughts and prayers.

Becky said...

I'm almost three weeks late here because I just found your great blog. I am so very sorry about your loss. We lost our first baby at 24 wks. She was stillborn. It took me until our son, who was two years from being born at the time of our loss, was ten to live through July without tears and all sorts of distress. I don't remember just how I came to think this, but at that time some how I started to see our loss as a "gift". Our little family, by then included a little girl (almost 8) too, was given it's very own guardian angel. I hope you someday find peace in your sadness.
God bless,
~Becky <><

mabel said...

I recently came accross your blog and have been reading along. I thought I would leave my first comment. I dont know what to say except that I have enjoyed reading. Nice blog. I will keep visiting this blog very often.

Lucy

http://maternitymotherhood.net

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